Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
