You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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