is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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