I will die if light touches me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
