...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
