I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
