Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
