Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
