There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
