as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
