walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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