I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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