My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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