apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think people are normalizing furries
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
