she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
