And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
