there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
