I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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