ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
