I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
