party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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