how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
