I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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