tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
