It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize