I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
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