So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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