He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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