so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
