those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
