Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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