After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The air was thick with penises
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
