but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
