you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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