At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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