He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it was like eating out sand paper
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
