his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
