i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
