can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
