Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
