Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
