Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
