i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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