just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
