dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
