Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
