omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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