Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
