What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
