You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
