yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize