I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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