Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
