Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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