Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
FUCK WHALES
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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