My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
