When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
