i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
