you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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