i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
