explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
