If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
