I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
