You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
