great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
