we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
