Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
