Ambien. No doubt about it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
