Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Randomize
