I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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