aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
