I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
