I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
