I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
