3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Found your dick twin last night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
