honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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