She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have aggressive nipples.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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