so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
