I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
