Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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