barbara walters just said penis...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
