Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
