There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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