ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
